What do you do when an elephant shows up in the conference room or in the middle of a team meeting? Do you tend to ignore it or hunt it down? Among the biggest mistakes that teams and team leaders make in churches and other organizations is tolerating the “elephants in the room”.
Few things are more frustrating than sitting in on a “team meeting” and listening to the “team leader” talk about everything but the very issue you know is the most pressing (and most felt) one of the moment. Sometimes a team will experience a rift or a division that brings some hurt, confusion and disgruntled emotion into the atmosphere. The temptation of leadership is to avoid acknowledging the “elephant in the room”, to just ignore it, to pretend it doesn’t exist and hope it will just leave on it’s own, to attempt to move ahead with discussions, plans and dreams with a business-as-usual approach. When these moments occur, the emotional elephant is so present and so real that it is virtually impossible for team members to focus on the tasks or challenges at hand.
Some of the potential “elephants” that show up among teams and team meetings include:
1) Lots of Team Talk, but No Real Communication
It is quite easy for a team to confuse the sounds of people in the room talking with true interaction and communication. Communication is more about honesty, candor and understanding than the number of words spoken.
2) Meetings Are Too Formal & Awkward
One important factor that plays into awkward team meetings is determining exactly where you will meet. Some church teams hold every meeting in a boardroom. Doing so to some would be like having to eat every meal during the week in a formal dining room. Who wants to do that? Not me. Find a warm and engaging location for your team meetings.
3) The Same People Dominate Team “Discussions”
It is a huge mistake to allow the people who never talk to “never talk.” Periodically ask the “quiet” team members something like, “Jeff, we haven’t heard from you yet today. What do you think about this question?” Sometimes the best treasure is buried deep and hidden places.
4) Lots of Sarcasm & Too Little Sincerity
Sarcasm has become a sport and a new art form today! Find ways on your team to affirm the sincere contributions. Paul told Timothy: “I have been reminded of your sincere faith…” (2 Tim. 1:5). Let sarcasm just be a periodic communication “spice”, never the main course in your meetings.
5) Team Members Cannot Describe Team Goals
The only way to stay on the same page as a team is to write that “page” together and find ways to stay on it and rehearse it, as well.
6) The Team Interacts but Fails to Act
Never mistake interaction with action. While healthy interaction and communication helps teams determine priorities and goals, simply talking about them will not bring them to pass. “The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent will be fully satisfied (Prov. 13:4).”
7) We Call It a “Team”, but the Leader Makes All the Decisions
Some churches have teams that are “teams” in name only. The hierarchical leader can call his team “team” a thousand times over, but if they don’t treat the team in a teaming manner – no one is fooled by the semantics.
8) Team Members Are Too Guarded
Some people may feel threatened that they might say something “wrong”, “stupid”, or detrimental to their ministry position or jobs. This is usually an indication of some level of fear in the culture. This indicates a low level of trust.
9) The Team Members Are All Too Much Alike
In this case the team members have so much in common, they don’t adequately challenge and stretch each other’s thinking and abilities. Although everyone may seem to get along, they cannot seem to get ahead.
10) The Team Never Evaluates Their Teaming Skills
Although the team may take time to evaluate sermons, services, programs and the like, they seldom (if ever) evaluate themselves as a team. More specifically, they do not critique their function or stretch themselves to improve their collaborative skills.
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Did you know that when an elephant, a real one, is born that it weighs about 150 pounds? (Wow! Talk about a big baby!) And, baby elephants begin walking within 15 minutes after their birth. (And I thought humans were well developed!) The same is true of the proverbial elephants in the room. When you allow an unresolved or unacknowledged issue to enter your team environment, it will grow like no one’s business and start walking around and bumping into people as soon as it is born. Great teams will not tolerate elephants in the room.
